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Bleed Out

by Casey Wickstrom

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1.
October 03:07
Keep in mind, all I ever wanted was to tell myself that I'm just fine in these signs of times these dead leaves send shivers up my spine but they're just passing by and I'm seeing ghosts out the corner of my eyes maybe one last time this whole thing's gonna make me lose my mind and I take my time understand, all I ever wanted was to tell myself that I'm a man that can comprehend all these things that make me what I am and that this master plan will bring me love and the beauty of my friends which never ends time won't break and neither will it bend and I look within keep in line what I miss the most about you must be your eyes I'm just killing time trees they scream and birds refuse to fly under these red skies am I right, or did I miss these signs right before my eyes in my bed unconscious I will lie for another time
2.
She says that it's not me no clarity in desperate times like these I try to feel complete but I can't compete with her insanity She tells me it's alright I don't have to fight the hate inside my heart but every time I cross that line I'm right back where I started and I try to call her name again but I just fall away again and I'm trying to stay clean again but I'll just fuck it up again I take my medicine she lets me in and I black out on her floor she says she's gonna leave but she's told me that a thousand times before I take my time try to define what makes me feel like I'm alive but in my mind slow suicide's the only way to die and I try to clear my head again but I'm too far away again and I'm looking for my closest friend but he's nowhere to be found again these days are killing me can't seem to breathe and I can't find the door I walk through dreams, inside routines that bring me lower than before coffee and cigarettes loss and regret, this taste inside my mouth if I stay just one more day I know I'll never make it out, and I'll try to run away again I need to just stay gone again and I'll never call her name again goodbye Los Angeles, my friend
3.
How can I save you girl, can’t even save myself she says she loves me more than anybody else I don’t believe her words but I believe her mouth get myself inside, then I can’t get back out how can I trust you girl, when the lights go dark standing in my room I tear myself apart I’m looking for my pills, she’s looking for her man I try to hold her close, do the best that I can but every dream is the same, in a different way got myself to blame, I got myself to . . . but every dream’s the same, in a different way got myself to blame, you know I want to how can I love you girl, don’t even know my name she tells me one more time, then she’s here to stay she wanna hold my hand, she need a little kiss you ask me what I want, ain’t nothing close to this how can I quit you girl, her body’s like a drug she’s got me hooked so hard, now I can’t get enough she says she wants me all, I hear her call my name but jealousy is the sweat that’s running down my face and every drug is the same, in a different way you know they’re all the same, I know it all is every drug is the same, running through my veins and they’re all the same, you know I want this LA seems so far away Michelle seems so far away the crash seems so far away but Claire seems just like yesterday
4.
5.
Hope 03:10
I found a death ray of hope inside a heartbreak to hold come in from out in the rain I can't remember her name and all the drugs that I've done sit back and wonder where the fuck it'd come from and how I breathe so differently it no longer bleeds inside of me these possibilities burn from which no one can return I let it swell, let it drain from the desert inside my brain and back and forth I go stare down the devil and I bargain for my soul take away everything I've ever loved and I'm still no lower than I always was microphones of distant thunder fall apart under the struggle drowning myself in disbelief current undertones of sweet release I could see myself inside of you something that no one wants me to running down in the killing streets unforgiven in the quarantine
6.
Bleed Out 03:36
I wear my heart upon my sleeve there’s no direction left for me I wash up on the lonely streets my notebooks drenched in gasoline I’ve got a problem with myself can’t reason with the treason inside my head I need to look beyond myself I’ve got a head that never quits can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t cope with this one wave then another, what’s with this shit I only want what I can’t get I need to reason with myself can’t level with the devil inside my head I need to look beyond myself (chorus) bleed out when nothing really matters bleed out and call my name again I wear my heart upon my sleeve and on this napkin where I bleed I take it all in stride, you see with speed and swift accuracy I need to take it all away stop and analyze the trauma inside my head I know there has to be a way (chorus)
7.
Evocation 04:47
Sand filtering through my fingertips calm and steady though I can’t get over this I’m not ready quite to see the light obsession, just my frame of mind my face is painted on the glass sweet eyes, I cannot take it back my body raging with the sea can’t hide the demons in between (chorus) this head of mine is a slow dull whine hearts intertwined, hard to define matter over mind, these strange new times all the while the floor’s still bleeding raindrops that fall with every breath strange dreams that linger on my flesh raw beauty, color in my veins straight to resurrection on the stage my fingers wrapped around your neck wake up, I still can’t ease my grasp hot words that burn like cigarettes my heart becomes your silhouette (chorus)
8.
Going Home 03:45
My life has got me in a terrible place I call her name and I go under again I feel the notes sustain, they let me in I’m having trouble getting over myself my friends are gone and now they’re somebody else sit alone and write, get it off my chest it’s all one in the same, I know it is and when I look at all the beautiful girls I’ve never murdered, could you be my first come closer baby, and tell me where does it hurt if you should ever get inside of my head she’ll go in deep and never come out again I hate/hurt/hear/heal myself more now, than I did as a kid I hate/hurt/hear/heal myself now than I ever did (chorus) I’m going home I’m going nowhere I say she’s gotta find a home of her own the only problem is she can’t live alone so she stays with me, and the sickness grows I’d like to take back all the things that I did but it’s too far for me to go back again sit and wait right here until the moment ends stay with myself ’til I go back again (chorus) take my time, baby, take my faith and we go on down and find a better place walk with me, and I’ll go with her and we walk on down and find a better world take my mind, baby, take my space and we’ll go on down to another place walk with me, and I’ll go with you take it all away, if you want me to
9.
Anxieties in a black hole full of deep regrets and broken whores if I could ever get to feel you my love would tear apart and kill you take time to get the situation try to understand the devil nature when I find myself inside a bottle go on and hit that shit full throttle go on and work it out (chorus) I see your face when I’m bleeding and I still call your name when I’m sleeping and I drown in the secrets I’m keeping and I can’t stop my mind from repeating gotta go back home so I can meditate taking too much time, I never get it straight leave it all to me to overcompensate she tells me everything will be okay I see myself in magazines billboards and silver movie screens a different world inside my head before I come back down again sleep soft while breathing through the static sweet moments when I thought I had it wash up in dirty, lonely dreams my fingers dipped in vaseline and then I work it out (chorus) gotta go back home so I can concentrate taking too much time, I never mediate we’re talking so much pain I can’t alleviate she tells me everything will be okay just one more verse on top of this gotta make up time, you know how it is and I found that I don’t even know you most people never even come to and when I think of all the drugs I’ve done I remember every single goddamn one every time I used I fell apart fly close to the sun (son), closer to god and then I work it out (chorus)
10.
Clarity 02:39
Well I haven’t been laid in a month and five days my hands are starting to shake with every breath that I take and I can’t sleep at night, ‘cause I know I’m not right and there’s no use to fight all these demons inside (chorus) and it’s the wrong decisions that have led me here it’s the strange conditions that have led me here it’s a lack of vision that has led me here and now it’s being sober that has made this clear well I ain’t had a drink in maybe almost a week and I can finally think that I can finally breathe and I ain’t had no drugs in maybe more than a month and I now feel the love, and I can’t get enough (chorus)
11.
I'm looking for a friend that I lost a long time ago can't lose and I can't win and I guess that I'll never know can't turn and face the fear because it's breathing down my neck I think I'll leave this place but I know I'll be coming back. bartender may I have another shot before I go this is my last one don't you know bartender may I have just one more shot, one for the road I guess that I will never . . .

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Bleed Out
Written and produced by Casey Wickstrom
(c) 2017 Wickstrom Music Trust

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released April 30, 2018

All songs written and produced by Casey Wickstrom
Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Scott Smith
Recorded live at Scooter's Place, Durango, Colorado
Additional production by Austin Vidonn

Casey Wickstrom: Vocals, guitars, lap slide, bass guitar
Austin Vidonn: Drums

Album photography by Karly Horenn

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Casey Wickstrom California

Casey Wickstrom is a vocalist and multi-instrumentalist looping artist. He plays guitar, lap slide, three string slide cigar box guitar, bass, drums, uke, and harmonica; he produces and writes his own music. He edits and produces his own music videos. Wickstrom is also a writer, writing blogs and short stories on his website www.caseywickstrom.com ... more

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